The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding

The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus (Withdrawal of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission of one’s wife).

It is allowed for a Muslim man to practise coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadîth about this:

First: On the authority of Jâbir who said: “We were practising coitus interruptus, and the Qur’ân was being revealed.” [al-Bukhârî and Muslim]. In another version, he said: “We used to practise coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet ﷺ. This reached the Prophet ﷺ, and he did not prohibit us from doing it.” [Muslim, an-Nasâ’î and at-Tirmidhî].

Second: On the authority of Abu Sa’îd al-Khudhriy, who said:

“ “A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: “I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practise coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide.” The Prophet ﷺ said: “The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allâh wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it.” [An-Nâsâ’î in al-‘Ishrah: Abu Dawûd and others: Sahîh].

Third: On the authority of Jâbir, a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said:

“ “I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me”. The Prophet ﷺ said: “use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will come.” After some time, the man again came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: “She has become pregnant!” The Prophet ﷺ told him: “I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come.” [Muslim, Abu Dawûd and others].

It is Preferrable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.

Not practising coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons:

First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negetive points. Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet ﷺ: “Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers.” [Abu Dawûd, an-Nasâ’î and others: Sahîh]. This is why the Prophet ﷺ once referred to it as “minor infanticide” (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying: “That is minor infanticide”. [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For this was preferable in the hadîth narrated by Abu Sa’îd al-Khudhriy saying: “Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet ﷺ and he said: “Why would one of you do that? (note he did not say “let none of you do that”) Allâh is the Creator of every single soul.” [Muslim].

In another version, he ﷺ said: “You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be.” [Muslim]

What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage

Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allâh has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What’s more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex. This is based on the following hadîth of the Prohpet ﷺ narrated by Abu Dharr:

“ “Some of the companions of the Prophet ﷺ said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allâh ﷺ, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their wealth!” The Prophet ﷺ said: “Did Allâh not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say SubhannAllâh (Exalted is Allâh) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allâhuakbar (Allâh is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allâh) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa.” The Companions said: “O Messenger of Allâh ﷺ, is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire?” The Prophet ﷺ said: “Don’t you see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?” They said: “Why, yes! He said: “In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward.” [Muslim, an-Nasâ’î in al-‘Ishrah, and Ahmad].

What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night

It is desireable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desireable for them to do likewise for him, as in the following hadîth narrated by Anas:

“ “The Messenger of Allâh ﷺ gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night.” [Ibn Sa’d and an-Nasâ’î: Sahîh].

The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and there are various hadîth about it, among them: First: On the authority of Jâbir who said:

“ “The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated.” [Al-Hâkim, at-Tirmidhî and others: Sahîh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardâ’ who said:

“ “I came out of the public bath and I met Allâh’s Messenger ﷺ who said to me: ‘From where have you come O Umm Dardâ’?’ I said: ‘From the baths’. Then he said: “By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman.” [Ahmad : Sahîh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Malîh who said:

“Some women from Ash-Shâm entered upon ‘Â’ishah and said: “Where are you from?” The women answered: “We are of the people of Ash-Shâm (the area of present-day Syria).” ‘Â’ishah said: “Are you perhaps from that district which allows its women to enter the public baths?” The said: “Yes”. She said: “As for me, I heard the Messenger of Allâh ﷺ say: “Every woman who removes her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and Allâh.” [at-Tirmidhî, Abu Dawûd and others: Sahîh]

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