1. Bear in mind that your daughter-in-law is a human being with aspirations and feelings. She has made a great sacrifice to come and serve your son for the rest of her life. Treat her like your own daughter. Remember when you were a daughter-in-law. As you desired to be treated, treat her. Remove the jealousy which generally comes into the heart that someone new has come and taken over my son whom I brought up with great pain.
2. Give gifts to her. This will create love between you.
3. Do not demand control of your sons money. It is for him to use in an appropriate manner.
4. Never compare ones daughter-in-law with another, or with your daughters. Every person is different and has different abilities. Look at the good in everyone.
5. Overlook faults and errors. Your daughter-in-law is still naive. In all likelihood, you made the same errors when you were young.
6. If she lives with you, do not expect her to do everything in the house. However, if the kitchen is one, then some ulema, have stated that it will be better if the mother-in-law hands it over completely to her daughter-in-law, if she is happy to accept this responsibility. If not, then rather have turns in the kitchen, because generally problems start in the kitchen. Everyone’s ways and methods are different.
7. Think before you speak. What you say to your daughter, you cannot say to your daughter-in-law, since your daughter has natural love for you whereas your daughter-in-law’s love for you will have to be slowly cultivated. Even if she errs, be careful as to how you correct her. Sometimes, even a wrong word, however innocent it may be, can cause problems. It is a delicate situation.
8. Never discuss your one daughter-in-law with the other or discuss them with even your own sisters, daughters or best friends. If a secret cannot stay in your mouth, how do you expect it to remain in someone elses? Discussing with others is just looking for problems. If you have a problem, speak directly to the one concerned.
9. Learn from your mistakes. If you have once said something that created a problem, make sure you never repeat it.
10. Be simple. No one is perfect. Do not be unnecessarily fussy about things that are not really a life-or-death situation.
11. Be generous in praising their cooking, baking, etc. even though it is not up-to your standards.
12. Never drag your daughter-in-law into any disagreement between yourself and your son. If you are upset with your son for any reason, there is no need to pass the message via your daughter-in-law or get upset with her. Speak directly to your son.
Pure Matrimony
Some of these points are just western modernist approach and not Islamic
https://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/psychology-of-the-mother-in-law/
Rasulullah saw said to a sahaba he and his wealth belongs to his father it is the parents right to take money from son and your saying opposite of hadith
Assalamu alaykom, it says it is a right, not that every penny earned is the *property* of the parents. There is a difference. And, presumably, it is to ensure the needs of the parents are taken care of, not to interfere with the desires and meal plans of the daughter in law. Fi amanillah.
To the sisters who are speaking without knowledge to need to learn to not speak without knowledge
A father may take whatever he needs from his son’s wealth, so long as that will not harm the son.
That is because of the report narrated by Ibn Maajah (2291) and Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh from the hadeeth of Jaabir, and by Ahmad (6902) from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Amr (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which a man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a son, and my father wants to take all my wealth. He said, “You and your wealth belong to your father.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.
This taking is subject to conditions that were stipulated by the fuqaha’. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The father may take from his son’s wealth whatever he wants, and it becomes his, whethere the father needs what he takes or does not need it, whether the son is a child or an adult, subject to two conditions:
1-That he does not treat the son unfairly or harm him, and he does not take anything that his son needs.
2-That he does not take his son’s wealth and give it to another son. This was stated by Ahmad, because it is forbidden to single out one of his sons for giving from his own wealth, so it is more forbidden to single out one of his sons for giving from another son’s wealth. It was narrated that Masrooq gave his daughter in marriage for ten thousand, then he took it and spent it for the sake of Allah, and he said to the husband: Provide your wife’s trousseau.
Where does it say in the above hadith that the father was poor or other false claims
What the scenario is that a father for example take money in a level where the son can’t buy food or clothes or other necessities for himself
So long as the father is living enough money for the son to pay Bill’s buy food clothing for him and his wife children the father can take anything from his wealth as those wealth belong to the father when a man makes money the money belongs to the father he can take and do anything with the money whatever money remains is for the son to use for his means
These modernist feminist jahil sisters who think they’re practicing are nothing more then clueless
Here is another response to this article influenced by kafir of west
https://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/psychology-of-the-mother-in-law/
The article is good..but what about those daughters in law nowadays who are well aware of their rights in Islam…that a woman does not have to serve her in laws and she thinks that it is absolutely ok to totally ignore them…sometimes depriving grandchildren from meeting them.. thinking it’s ok if they don’t communicate with their in laws…I am a mother of daughters..and advice my own daughters against high handed behavior having seen how women fully aware of their Islamic rights behave with their in laws ..
How does one overcome a situation like this?
As salam alaykum Sheikh Allah huma barik lahu.
The issue is far greater than the subject. The family unit, the fabric of our society is under great stress and attack. It is being torn up using subjects such as ‘rights over ‘responsibilities ‘ individual needs and power struggles over family unity and love. We all need to remember our meeting with Allah and how are we going to face Him having said and done harm to others. If you want mercy from Allah then show mercy to others starting with your own family. Stop using family linage (‘Khandan’) etc in order to look down on your daughter in laws or anyone else you are showing arrogance and using this as a form of oppression.
Everyone should know their boundaries and stay within them. Unfortunately asian culture seems to dictate a unreasonable amount of interference so much so that marraiages are breaking up due to it. How sad is that?? Does anyone really want to see their sons/daughters homes broken? Because that is the consequence. When you tell an asian parent this, the ugly response is , ‘don’t worry we’ll get you married to someone better ‘ There is ‘no better ‘ because the interfering aspect is still present.
There is no right or wrong there is only isla or fitna and fasad. Relationships need sacrifice, understanding, and a great deal of sabr and shukur. Allah guide us all to choose our words wisely to act with patience and try to bring out the best in each other without over stepping our boundaries and treating each other with love respect and honour. Ameen
Brother Abdullah i think you have misunderstood. The hadith you are quoting is about a son who did not look after his father, did not carry out his responsibility as a son at a time when his father was elderly and needed looking after. Your wife also has rights on your money so where is the balance? The son has bills to pay. we all need to understand and think and care for each other and respect our scholars. We live in the ‘West and you should take the good from wherever you find it as long as you don’t compromise on your aqeeda.
This is just my humble opinion…..Allah knows best
To the sisters who are speaking without knowledge to need to learn to not speak without knowledge
A father may take whatever he needs from his son’s wealth, so long as that will not harm the son.
That is because of the report narrated by Ibn Maajah (2291) and Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh from the hadeeth of Jaabir, and by Ahmad (6902) from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Amr (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which a man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a son, and my father wants to take all my wealth. He said, “You and your wealth belong to your father.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.
This taking is subject to conditions that were stipulated by the fuqaha’. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The father may take from his son’s wealth whatever he wants, and it becomes his, whethere the father needs what he takes or does not need it, whether the son is a child or an adult, subject to two conditions:
1-That he does not treat the son unfairly or harm him, and he does not take anything that his son needs.
2-That he does not take his son’s wealth and give it to another son. This was stated by Ahmad, because it is forbidden to single out one of his sons for giving from his own wealth, so it is more forbidden to single out one of his sons for giving from another son’s wealth. It was narrated that Masrooq gave his daughter in marriage for ten thousand, then he took it and spent it for the sake of Allah, and he said to the husband: Provide your wife’s trousseau.
Where does it say in the above hadith that the father was poor or other false claims
What the scenario is that a father for example take money in a level where the son can’t buy food or clothes or other necessities for himself
So long as the father is living enough money for the son to pay Bill’s buy food clothing for him and his wife children the father can take anything from his wealth as those wealth belong to the father when a man makes money the money belongs to the father he can take and do anything with the money whatever money remains is for the son to use for his means
These modernist feminist jahil sisters who think they’re practicing are nothing more then clueless
Here is another response to this article influenced by kafir of west
https://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/psychology-of-the-mother-in-law/
Do not make up lies on hadith and make false accusation on sahaba like the Shia do sahaba loved their parents and treated them the best even the kafir in the time of sahaba did not disrespect their parents
The wifes right is limited compared to parents and parents have greater rights then the wife
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/83815/is-it-obligatory-for-the-husband-to-provide-medical-treatment-for-his-wife
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/242838/is-the-wife-entitled-to-a-monthly-allowance
Asalaam alaikum brother ,
With all due respect, your reply was very harsh to the sister. There was surely a better way of reply…